"Robert Burton...noted that 'enforced solitariness' was an endemic feature of the lives of students as well as monks and anchorites; and an Italian courtesy writer whose work was enormously influential in late Tudor and Stuart England agreed that for the ascent to heavenly intellectual benefits 'the desartes, al by places and solitarie, are the right ladders. And contrariwise, companies are nought els but hookes and tonges, which withdrawing us by force out of the course of our good thoughts, set us in the way of distruction.' " (Burton [1628] 1927, 215; Guazzo [1581] 1925, 1:24; cf. Braithwait 1630, 234)" (p.199 in Shapin, 1990)
After the departure of my parents from Budapest back in early May I set myself deeply into the task at hand: having a first draft supervisor-ready version of my dissertation by mid-September. I quickly realised all I still had to do to meet this deadline after, to be fair, kind of taking it pretty easy since I moved here A YEAR AGO (WTF??). This realisation would mean that I would not be taking any long excursions or going on any adventures for the summer. Furthermore, I began to make great attempts to ensure I was working everyday, seven days a week, to get myself caught up to my self-imposed timeline. So that's basically what has been going on up until just a few weeks ago when I felt I could finally take days off...but barely. I emerged from under the oppressive weight of my own procrastination, but barely. Currently, while I am just barely caught up to my timeline, it means that any day where my scheduled tasks do not get completed means I am behind again. The race is definitely on, my friends.
I've had to be incredibly selfish with my time, not keeping in touch with people, not seeing friends because of EXACTLY what the above quote from the 1500s says about how friends and company are naught but temptors, leading me away from my 'heavenly intellectual' endeavours onto the path of destruction...and in my case destuction equals the accidental mid-week sloshfest whereby I end up sauntering home from the bar at 7am through the deserted and eerily beautiful shabby luxurious steets of downtown Budapest:
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| The early morning post-bar stroll home along Vaci Utca |
And then OF COURSE, hypothetically (of course I can imagine that is what might happen if I hang out with friends for a beverage), I am only in shape the rest of that day to binge watch "I am Jazz" or binge re-watch episodes of "Glee" thereby wasting an ENTIRE day not working and letting my life pass me by in a Netflix-induced hazy pseudo-coma. And like, come on, YOLO... no like seriously.... YOLO!!!! I'm just hanging out, dying.
May and June went fairly well as I kept a good highly-scheduled healthy and balanced regime, having a very disciplined pint or two with old friends stopping through Budapest:
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| Permaculture friends, Serena and Rob, that I met in India in 2013 |
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| Skye and her partner, Drew, stopping through on their way home to 'Murica. Skye and I lived together in Bangladesh while I was doing my master's |
Taking a few flamenco guitar lessons, something I was inspired to do since visiting Spain last fall:
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| Me and my teacher, Alejandro, having a backyard Buda n beers lesson |
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| My landlady and landlord's stunning backyard in Budapest |
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| Applying for things |
Having some weekly work-seshes with my friend in one of my fave 19th century cafe that is but twenty years younger than the country of Canada:
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| My sweet friend Louise, writing a classics dissertation..or at least making a list of things she needs to do to start writing |
And I managed to squeeze in some evening Hungarian classes. Hmmm... looking at these pics it seems it hasn't actually been all bad, I guess.
But once July hit, things started to get a little kooky probably spurred on by a few things like interrupted schedules, a rejection of my manucsript from the first journal I sent it to, feeling unsure of just what the hell that third research paper I have to write is going to be about, the clock ticking on my deadlines, etc. I started feeling like I could just be anywhere in the world and it wouldn't matter... I could be back in northern Alberta somewhere living in my parents basement writing and crying and writing through the crying (to be fair, I haven't been crying over this work..yet... but that master's thesis...sigh). The world becomes small. You forget you haven't spoken to another human in days. Thoughts of YOLO kick in, and you wonder why you're doing this to yourself because the old death is coming for us all. I had this phrase repeating in my head that made me laugh: youth and beauty are wasted on phd students. It began to feel like somehow I was going to end up having my entire life pass me by between July and September and I'd emerge from my dark Budapest apartment in old age with my breasts getting caught in my panty hose and still single.
But this is the power of a mindfulness practice: as kooky as my thoughts became, I was able to make statements to myself like:
- Adrienne, this is terminal, this has an end in the very near future
- It's scientifically impossible for you to become an old cat-food- eating-saggy-bag lady with a beard in the next two months
- Hey you knew what you were getting into with this phd thing, you knew this part of the process would come
- So what is the worst thing that could happen if you don't meet your deadline? You move back in with mom and dad and take another semester to finish and that would be not a terrible situation!
But things have definitely refocused now, I'm back on track, motivated, and everyday finding new ways to continue to force myself to sit down and focus and work and GIT 'ER DONE! Oh and I've been watching numerous shows about incredible women who, in the distant and not so distant past, have had to fight and struggle to be able educate themselves or make their intellectual voices heard through the cacophony of angry arrogant men and I think... shit man... and you really just thought that re-watching all of "Sex and the City" was a good use of your time??? You know, perspective goes a long way.
It's nice that in the past few weeks I've been able to really start to take some time each week to see friends:
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| Hanging out at Romai Strand with Eszter and Samuel (my former neighbors and the children of my landlady), a peaceful beachy casual part of Budapest away from the crowds |
Finding my own corner quiet corner of the Danube, easily accessible via the metro system:
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| So this is called Kabin. It is a Danube beach bar. It is a marvellous quick getaway without getting away. The boxy things are beach chairs for customers. |
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| My friend Julie face-timing with her mother in Canada while relaxing at our own little corner of the Danube |
And we stayed as long as the sun:
And stopped on the way home for some filthy Hungarian street food we love to hate:
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| Oh sweet sweet langos. Oprah would most certainly not approve either the food item itself or the late late hour we chose to shove langos in our mouths. |
And I have taken some time for a couple nice day-long train trips to see some other Hungarian sites:
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| Vast vast sunflower fields which I had no idea was a thing here |
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| Kisfaludy strand in Balatonaracs: the Hungarian seaside |
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| Not a great shot but this is Lake Balaton from the train. It is the largest lake in Central Europe. |
So now, back into my scholar-tary confinement for two more months after which time I have a special few weeks of beach holidays planned which will provide me with more fodder for this blog that I AM CERTAIN you've all missed soooooo much!
Shapin, S. 1990. "The mind is its own place": Science and solitude in Seventeenth-Centuy England. Science in Context, 4, 1 pp 191-218.
